One of these days....by Mark

Have you ever had one of those days? You know, the ones when every thing goes well and you feel completely blessed and led by God. Well, today was not one of those days for me. Today was one of these days. One of these days are the days that aren't as perfect as those days.
The problems really began yesterday, when I was working on the red van. It carried over to this morning when I had to get a broken bolt out of a hole with out damaging anything else. I got it out but discovered I had damaged the threads when I drilled it yesterday. By this time, it was time to take a break and teach English class.

Most of the time, English class goes very well. Of course, the kids complain about having to go to class when they have other school work, but they come, and we learn. I learn a little Spanish, and they learn a little more English. Today the plan was simple. It was test day so we were going to do a little review and then take the test. The review was not going well, only Leo was staying with me. Fatima and Lolis both seemed to be in another world, and Miguel was some where in between. This is when I fell apart. I got up from the table and told them to go back to class, and I left. I went for a walk up the mountain. I know what you are thinking. That is ridiculous and unprofessional. How could he do that? Well, you are right. It is ridiculous, but I am not sure it was all bad.

As I walked, I came to a stone, flat and large enough to sit on, so I sat. I sat and I thought, "This is ridiculous!" But as I was sitting there in the sunshine with a cool breeze, slowly I calmed down. I have never just gotten up and left anything, but today I did. I really felt like a failure. There is no excuse for just leaving the kids in the middle of class. I kept sitting there, talking to God, and trying to understand what I was doing. The longer I sat, the more I looked around. I was sitting in some tall grass that had gone to seed with a reddish-gold soft fluffy head. There were bees buzzing on some flowers near by and ants working busily on the ground. I began to think about how easy life would be if I were an ant. They pretty much live by instinct. Go look for food and leave a trail for the others to follow if you find it. Or if you find another ant's trail, just follow it to the food. Seems simple enough. But God did not want me to be an ant. (If He had, I would not be writing this.)

It is interesting to me how many times I have to learn the same lesson over and over and over again. Thoughts about being an ant are like thoughts I had as a child. Maybe everybody has days when they just want to get up and leave. I don't really recommend it. It is probably better to ask God for help riding it out until an appropriate time to fall apart. Falling apart is wonderful. Well at least feeling put back together is. Somehow God was able to take the mess I had made and encourage me to get up and go back down the hill. I got up slowly (partially in reluctance and partially because my feet were asleep from sitting on the rock) and turned back toward the Ranch. I was still really questioning what I was doing and how I was going to do it, but I started walking.

A little ways down the path, God said, "I'm with you. We are in this together." Why do I have to keep learning the same lesson? When I got back down to the school, I called my English class outside so I could ask them to forgive me. I think they were a little surprised, and after we talked a little, we went back to class. I don't know what they were doing while I was gone, but after a short review, they said they were ready for the test. Leo got 100% and the others all got 97.5%. What a good class, if only the teacher could keep his head on straight.

I have chosen you and not cast you off; fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you.
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:9b-10