Incapable, Unworthy and Lovin' It!

For nearly a year now, I have had the huge privilege, and great joy, of leading a women's Bible study on Sunday mornings at the church we attend. Sunday we began a new six week discipleship study and 40 women attended! Praise the Lord! I would be hard-pressed to find something more exciting than watching people grow in the Lord, whether it be "my" ladies or "my" children (they really all belong to the Lord!)! However, as I led the introductory session I became overwhelmed by the sense of my unworthiness and incapability for the task set before me.

Later on in the morning, I sat down for a scheduled counseling session with a 21 year old rape victim whose 3 month old daughter is the result of that horrible experience! As we sat on the preschool Sunday School chairs in the church kitchen (the only chairs and space available to meet), and I listened to her, I just kept thinking: "Lord, what am I doing here? This should be Teri (my sister-in-law and licensed counselor), not me. What am I supposed so say, suggest, do?" The Holy Spirit just kept whispering to my soul, "Julie, this is where you are to be." No guidance, no words of wisdom, just a reassurance that this was my place. (Counseling and therapy services in Mexico are few and far between, much less Christian counseling. Boy am I glad that God believes in me more than I believe in myself!)

After church, Victor and I met with two young people who had entered into a dating relationship. However, the young man involved is coming out of the same neighborhood and situation in which Victor had grown up - lies, streets, robberies, etc. Once again thoughts of utter incapability crowded my mind, threatening to choke out any truth that I could share!

On the way home, our family bought some roast chicken for dinner and headed to the side of the volcano for a picnic. As Victor and I took a walk with the youngest children, I counted them to see who we had with us and who was playing in other areas. I felt like we had most of the kids with us, but I only counted to 7! That meant that there were 10 more of our children that weren't with us at the moment! When all 17 are together it doesn't always seem like many, but when I am with seven or eight of them at a time and realize that I have 10 more children besides, my mind suddenly starts to whisper (shout): "You can't do this. There is no possible way you can raise these children up in the love and fear of the Lord."

BUT, thank Jesus for a breath of fresh air this morning! I started a new Beth Moore Bible Study and began to watch the introductory video session. Here are just some if the things that the Lord shouted at me loud and clear:

• God has called us to live far beyond what we are able. (Good thing because I am definitely there!)
• In Christ we can do what we can't. (Can you see me wiping the sweat off my forehead?)
• "I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13
• Let's live lives of exclamation points!

In a world where "recession" is a daily word and weekly giving to Fishers of Men definitely reflects that reality; in a family where 10 of my 17 children have parents or siblings who have passed away and who face innumerable memories of abuse, neglect and abandonment; in a nation where drug-trafficking and kidnappings get closer to home each day - I can only praise Jesus that the answer, nor the strength, nor the provision, lie in us, but in HIM!

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay
to show that this all-surpassing power
is from God and not from us."
2 Corinthians 4:7

On the lighter side of things there is something else that I am incapable of doing...catching a mouse! Catching a mouse? I am incapable of standing on the floor in the same room if I know there is a mouse on the loose! As soon as a mouse has been spotted, I seek higher ground... aka a nearby chair, couch or, if necessary, table! A few Sunday afternoon's ago, I was in the kitchen chatting with Angie and Diana, our two eldest daughters, when a quick movement to the left caught my eye! I turned and said: "Girls, I think there is a mouse in the house." Thankfully, my kids are very understanding of my fear and quickly came to my defense with brooms and flashlights to get rid of the little menace. When the initial emergency had passed, I grabbed my camera and recorded the following video of my children's heroic efforts (and of a few others who follow in their mother's footsteps:-)!