Friday, May 21, 2010

EMMC to Guadalajara: Part One

We arrived this past Monday night at 10 p.m. from a 9 day crusade to Guadalajara, Jalisco and its surrounding areas. Last February I asked Emy and the Marshalls to describe their crusade experience to Acapulco in one word. They came up with quite inspiring and deep words. Well, if I had to describe this crusade in one word it would be: exhausting! I first was disappointed in myself for labeling a crusade with such an "unspiritual" word, but then I remembered that there are passages in the Bible where Jesus himself invited his disciples to come away from the crowd for a time of rest and renewal. We have been enjoying such a time of rest of this week here at home as we get back into our routine. Certainly, crusades always make you appreciate the little things in life: more than one bedroom for 15 people, beds, enough tables and chairs to eat at, warm water in which to bathe, no mosquitoes at Refuge Ranch, etc.

When I began to think about why this crusade was so exhausting I discovered that the main reason is that we have three more children in our family since the last crusade that we did together. Last summer we went to Oaxaca on crusade, but Pati had not yet passed away, so Joce was not a member of our family, and neither Daniel nor Lolis had arrived. The crusade experience can be somewhat tiring in and of itself due to the long work hours, uncomfortable living conditions, unfamiliar surroundings, etc., but doing all of that while caring for twelve children takes crusades to a whole new level of exhausting. I am comforted in the fact that it appears that I was not the only one who found the crusade exhausting! Check this picture out!

Rosa, our cook, catching some shuteye in the most comfortable place available - on top of boxes and bags in the pharmacy area!

We ministered in two very different locations during this crusade and today I will share some highlights with you from the first location where we spent three days working.

This is the church with whose leaders we partnered for the first part of the crusade.


It is located in a HUGE housing development designed to give people the opportunity to become home owners. However, the development reminded me of the housing projects in inner city Chicago, but rather than high-rise buildings, these were sprawling everywhere! There were literally thousands of tiny box houses in row after row after row. The homes consisted of a tiny living room, kitchen and dining room area with one or two bedrooms set behind that and a small bathroom squeezed between the two. For every two or three occupied homes there were several unoccupied homes which local vandals had taken upon themselves to completely destroy - breaking all the windows, removing entire doors from their frames and gutting the homes of the pre-installed sinks and toilet fixtures. Graffiti decorated every available surface in the entire complex; the streets were full of young men with nothing to do; and the air carried the sound waves of loud urban music most of the time.

The church is located in one of these "homes." The living room serves as the sanctuary while the two bedrooms serve as classroom space. Our family also stayed in one of these homes that the owner is currently not using. It was a one bedroom home that was completely empty, so Victor and I and the four smallest children spread out on the floor in the bedroom while the other nine children (Erika was with us also) created what appeared to be a huge patchwork quilt with their sleeping bags on the floor of the kitchen/dining/living room area. We literally were always stepping on somebody or somebody's sleeping bag to get from one place to another!

The living room area where nine of the kids slept the first four nights.

Morning devotions with the crusade team

Each morning the crusade team and our family had devotions outside of the church before eating breakfast and diving into the day's work.

I (Julie) worked with the local children using songs, games, puppets, crafts, music and Bible stories to share the love of Christ with them. Above you can see us playing a parachute game with a beachball and sheet in the street. They loved this game! I held one kids club mid-morning and another one mid-afternoon. Here in Mexico there are not enough public schools for all the children, so school is held in shifts. There is a morning shift and an afternoon shift, so I held two clubs each day in order to reach the kids who weren't in school at that particular time.

The kids really loved the puppet shows as we started out our club time together. It was amazing and encouraging to hear how they interacted with the puppets. Kids' club attendance ranged from about a dozen to over 30 kids. We had a small group of young girls, 9/10 years old, that would hang around at the crusade site literally all day. They were hungry for some love and attention and enjoyed helping me prepare craft items, as well as helping take care of Daniel and Ana.
Angie, like last year in Oaxaca, set up her work area to do fancy hairdos for the girls and give them play crowns as she transformed them into little princesses. She even designed her own evangelistic flier to share with the girls how they could become true princesses of the King of Kings! After the first day, many of the local neighborhood girls wouldn't do their own hair, but would show up at the crusade so that Angie could give them a fancy hairdo!

When things got busy Angie "employed" her helpers, Erika and Lolis, in order to keep up with all the girls wanting their hair done!

One of the reasons that we like to participate once a year in a crusade is that it gives our kids the opportunity to continue to build relationships with other quality Christian adults. Here Fidel and Amado, a paramedic, enjoy breakfast together.

One of the highlights of our first location was Diana's opportunity to work as an assistant to the gynecologist, Dr. Nelly. She loved it! Diana has always been interested in studying to be a veterinarian, but this experience opened her eyes to other possibilities, like gynecology. This is another reason why we like our family to participate once a year in a crusade is because it opens the kids' eyes to different career and ministry opportunities and is an incredible way for them to witness how people can use their careers to serve the Lord! It also gives them opportunities to continue discovering their own talents, gifts, abilities, likes and dislikes. It was fun because several times throughout the day Diana would come up to me and say: "I am learning so much!"

While Diana enjoyed working with the gynecologist, one of Josiah's favorite jobs was working with the optometrist.


Since Diana was working with the gynecologist and Josiah was working with optometrist, Ruth decided to try her hand at medicine and "assisted" Dr. Eli, a general physician. If you asked four year old Ruth what she was doing she would say: "Helping the doctor." This was serious business! In fact, when I went to take this picture she was looking around, slightly distracted, but as soon as she saw me with the camera in hand, she quickly "went back to work" and paid attention to what Dr. Eli was doing!

Not to be left far behind, two year old Daniel did his part to help out by setting up chairs for kids' club. He actually tried to carry this chair on his own, but one of the neighborhood boys quickly jumped in to help!


The highlight at both locations was the last day of kids' club when several of our kids and other crusade staff dressed up as clowns to entertain the kids and share the Gospel with them. Erika (Magda's daughter), Lolis, Josiah, Caleb, Ruth, Ana, Mia (another volunteer's daughter), and Vero, Adrian and Amado (crusade volunteers) did an incredible job leading songs, several hilarious skits and a very impacting evangelistic skit about a broken heart. Erika and Josiah, especially, are naturals at clowning!

Thanks for "listening" to my stories and I look forward to sharing with you about our second half of the week!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Red Wings....by Lucy

My blog is not about the calf, but because I asked for prayers for him, I thought you would like to see that he is up and about with no problems! I don't know how long Cirino will have the splint on the calf's leg, but he can get up and down and hop around without falling over.

Last week while the Zaragoza family was gone, we took part of Tuesday to go to the open market, not because we needed anything, but just because we had a little extra time to do so. I am at the school most of the day on Tuesdays since Julie does piano lessons all day so I don't get to go to market very often. Anyway, we went without a list or agenda.

One of the first areas we passed through is used clothing and shoes. I like to stop and look to see if I can find some good buys (It is like a big garage sale!), but I was looking at clothes. Aaron and Mark got a little bored, so they started looking at the shoes. Normally we don't look for shoes for any of us here in Mexico because everyone here seems to have very tiny feet! So if you see a large pair, you check them out. We have never found a pair of shoes that would fit Aaron since he wears a 15! Aaron spotted a large pair of work boots that looked like they were brand new. Could they fit? No way! Well, maybe we should just check and he could try them on...They fit!!!

Now let's get this straight. We are in Mexico where the largest men's shoes we have found might fit Mark's size 11 feet. These are top-of-the-line Red Wing work boots that look like they've never been worn (well, maybe once!). Mark is thinking, "Well, we can't afford more than 500 pesos for them (That is about $45 dollars). Mark and Aaron nonchalantly put them back down and walk over to the vendor, expecting to haggle over a price. We didn't want to look too eager to purchase them, you know! He asked the price, and the man said 100 pesos (Not even $10!). We couldn't believe it, and there was no haggling! Aaron had a pair of work boots for about $10!
Size 15 Feet

This is Aaron's size 15 foot next to my size 10 foot!

Why am I sharing this story, you might ask? Well, here is the amazing thing for us. We have never bought Aaron a pair of work boots before because even in the states, we just could not afford them for the little bit of time he would wear them. Here in Mexico, he could use them, but there was no way (we thought) that we would ever find a pair, and still be able to afford them. So we have never prayed for a pair of work boots for Aaron. But God knows our needs, and He has provided (in a big way) for them through a pair of Red Wing work boots for Aaron so he can continue to do God's work here at Refuge Ranch. God is so good! All the time! Every time I see those boots on Aaron's feet, I will remember God's goodness and know that we are truly blessed and highly favored!
Aaron has been working to get wood moved before the Shiloh group comes to pour concrete!


You can see that Aaron has been working hard and could definitely use a pair of work boots!


I certainly won't hesitate to pray for the needs of my family, and I already know that they are taken care of before I even pray. Remember that the next time you have a need. Pray and expect God's provision! He may even surprise you with something better than you could have ever imagined!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

Friday, May 14, 2010

Spring...by Lucy

What a surprise I got last night when I headed to bed. I turned on my little light by the bed, and there hanging from the light fixture were a bunch of baby spiders! They were so tiny I never would have seen them if I hadn't turned on the light and had their tiny bodies reflected in the light. It was just one more sign of Spring for me.

A few weeks ago, we tried to use our gas grill only to find a nest of baby birds inside! And there are at least 8 kittens following their mamas around the ranch. They are too wild to catch, but they sure are fun to watch as they play together. Thanks to Diana, we have been babysitting a puppy this week. She has been a joy to have around, making us laugh and smile when she unrolled a roll of toilet paper, or grabbed one of Joanna's old shoes. Of course, part of the reason she has been so much fun is because Joanna has the real responsibility for her, including feeding, walking, and cleaning up after her accidents!

It is Spring! I didn't think I would really be able to tell that here since there are no major seasonal changes, like in Indiana. There is no rain, like Indiana has had for the last 3 days, the temperature has been consistently in the 80's, while in Indiana they have had extremes from 40's to high 70's, I believe. But despite the differences in the weather, one thing remains the same...Spring means babies!

Wednesday was a special day here at the Ranch. While Mark was blogging about our time with Joce, Joanna and I were down with the cows, watching the birth of a brand new calf. I, of course, wanted to take pictures so I skipped breakfast so I wouldn't miss a thing!


The mama cow was in considerable pain awaiting the birth of her baby. Cirino checked the baby and one front hoof was bent so he was going to have to help the cow.


Not only did Cirino help, but it took 4 people pulling to bring the baby into the world!

Within the hour, we had a black baby bull lying on the ground. I have to admit he wasn't so pretty when he arrived.
His mama spent quite a bit of time cleaning him up. I waited a long time, hoping to see him stand on his own, but he never did. I finally went back to work up at the main house. Later we found out from Cirino that the baby was having trouble. He could not stand, and therefore could not drink. It seems that maybe the bent hoof is the problem. Cirino splinted the leg yesterday and created the funniest looking bottle I've ever seen to try to get the baby to eat.
Yesterday when I went down to check on him, the first thing I noticed was that he was a different color! Yesterday he was black, just like his mom, but today, after being cleaned up, you can see that he is really gray!

It made me think about my life, and all the blackness I have inside that I need Jesus to clean up for me. I need the blackness removed so I can have life everlasting with God, just like the calf needed help getting clean. He never could have done that himself. And it was not a very pleasant job for his mama to clean him, but she didn't care. She loved him enough to tackle that burden. Jesus loves us even more than that mama cow loves her baby, and he took on our blackness, and cleaned us up to get us ready for heaven. Even though the baby changed colors and is now a beautiful smokey gray today, Jesus completely took our sins away, and we are washed "as white as snow."

The baby is still not out of the woods yet. He needs nourishment to get strong enough to stand. He needs to stand to get nourishment. So do we! He needs milk. We need the Bread of Life and Living Water. Pray that the baby will fight to survive. Pray that he will thrive and get the things he needs to live. But more importantly, pray that the people hearing the good news of Jesus Christ this week would see their need for a Savior, for Jesus. Pray that they will be washed whiter than snow, and will drink deeply from the Living Water that only He can provide.

"Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness, let the bones you have crushed rejoice." Psalm 51:7-8

"Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Mother's Day

Mother's Day in Mexico is always May 10th, which is obviously different from the United States. This year for Mother's Day the Zaragozas are on their annual family EMMC. The entire family has joined the usual EMMC crew for a 9 day trip to Guadalajara. They left Sunday morning on their adventure. I am looking forward to seeing pictures. Some of the kids are doing ministry through clowning. I got to see them practice a skit they are doing. I was very impressed. I am sure Julie will write more about the trip when they return.

I wanted to tell you about an idea Lucy and I had for Jocelin. This was her first Mother's Day since Pati, her mom, died. Because we knew the family was going to be gone on Mother's Day, we wanted to do something with Jocelin. Pati's grave is in the cemetery in Cuecue very close to home, but Jocelin does not get to go there very often. On Friday as the family was working on the weekly cleaning chores so they would be able to pack for their trip on Saturday, Lucy and I took Jocelin to pick out flowers and go to the cemetery. When I went in to the house looking for her, Julie was doing her hair. When she saw me, I could tell Julie had shared our plan with her. Her eyes lit up and her smile widened. She was ready to go as soon as her hair was done.

We headed off to find some flowers. I was thinking of a bouquet to go in a vase. We were out a little early for most of the flower vendors and ended up at a plant shop. Jocelin told the shop keeper what she wanted flowers for, and she showed us a variety of plants. Originally Jocelin said she wanted white flowers. As we looked at the choices, there was one lonely cone-shaped yellow flower. It reminded me of Charlie Brown's Christmas tree, but it was the one Joce wanted.

From there, we headed to the cemetery. This was the first time she had been there since Cirino had tiled it. The grave sites are different than most in the States. They are very close together. Many of them look like they are fresh, because the dirt is kept in a mound. Others are fully covered with cement work or tile. Pati's is covered in three tiers of white tile and marked with a simple cross with her name and the day she died. Jocelin knew right where to go, even though it looked different this time. We talked about things she liked to do with her mother, things that she misses. She put the plant at the head of the tiled grave. I thought to myself, "We are going to have to water this plant that is half a mile from home." Sometimes I can be pretty selfish.

As we were getting ready to leave, Cirino and his friend Don Juan showed up. They wanted to know how Joce liked the tile. He suggested we take the plant back to the house. I knew we at least needed a better pot, since we could not plant it there. When we got back to the house and talked to Julie, we decided to plant it in the fenced area next to the house. It will be a nice Mother's day plant there at home.

I know Lucy and I enjoyed this time with Joce, and I am pretty sure she did too. In our everyday interaction, she loves to help or be involved in what we are doing. It was really good to have some one-on-one time with her doing something she wanted to do. My prayer for Joce is that she understands that God is in control and that He has an important plan for her life.Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothes.--Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
Luke 12: 22, 27

Sunday, May 9, 2010

A Lesson from the Bees

"When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." James 1:13-15

Last week Angie and I learned a lesson from a BUNCH of bees! Months ago Angie noticed some bees swarming outside her bedroom window. She mentioned it to Victor and to Cirino and they realized that the bees were making a hive. So, they knocked down what they could of the hive, sprayed some and life went on. But, the bees didn't go away. They continued to swarm around the outside of Angie's windows. However, interestingly, even when Angie opened her windows the bees never flew into the house. So, every once in awhile somebody would make a comment about the bees outside Angie's window and how we should probably do something about them, but since they really never caused any problems nothing was done. You know how it is - life is usually made up of running from one urgent thing to another and these "unurgent" things get left to the wayside.


Last week, Victor decided that it was time to get rid of these bees, so he had Cirino come in and check it out. Cirino determined that the hive was actually in the "attic" area above Angie's ceiling and would require removing one of the ceiling panels in Angie's room to remove the hive and the guilty bees. (The ceilings in our second story are panels of plywood screwed to a metal roof structure.)

It was decided that the bee operation would take place on Sunday while we were all at church and that Cirino would take care of it with the help of a neighbor. So, before leaving for church, Angie moved her furniture around in her room so that Cirino and the neighbor could get to the right ceiling panel.

We got home from church and....wow! Cirino had blocked our driveway with a huge tire so that we wouldn't go straight home, but would wait for him to make sure that the coast was clear of angry bees that were trying to come "home" and realizing that their hive had been removed. After donning his protective gear, Cirino checked out the house and called the "coast clear" and we were able to go into the house.


We first noticed the overwhelming odor of smoke in the entire house. Cirino and the neighbor must have used some kind of smoke at some point to help get rid of the bees. I then went to Angie's room. The ceiling panel was back in place, but there were dead bees and ashes everywhere - all over the floor, on her bed, etc. Her room really reeked!

So, I helped her sweep, mop and change her sheets that night - just enough to be able to sleep somewhat comfortably. Angie missed school the next day in order to spend the whole day washing the majority of her clothing and bedding that smelled like smoke and getting her bedroom back into order - a major interruption to her life, an irritation and lots of hard work!

Thinking about this experience, the verse from James came to mind. Sometimes in our lives there can be "small" sins, bad habits or even thoughts that we feel aren't really doing any damage so we ignore them. Just like we felt like the bees weren't hurting anything and it was easier to leave them there than try and figure out to get rid of them. Or, maybe we try and cover up the sin or commit the sin a little bit less frequently or to a lesser scale, like when Cirino and Victor got rid of what they could see of the hive and spray a bit without getting to the root of the problem. However, the bee problem grew to the point that it could not longer be ignored. By then, trying to get rid of the bees was a major operation and a small disaster!

Sin, or even just bad habits and negative thought patterns, can be the same way - we can allow them to sit around in our lives feeling like no damage is being done, until the sin has grown so large and intrusive that it must be dealt with. At that point, dealing with the sin is usually a much bigger issue, much more difficult and much more destructive than if we had dealt with it through repentance from the very beginning.

So, don't let the bees hover around - get rid of that hive - NOW!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Smile...by Lucy

Joanna finally convinced me I needed to join Facebook about a month ago. It has been great to reconnect with old friends, and finding out what is going on in their lives. When you get on the site, there is a space for you to write a comment. People share what is happening in their lives, a special song or quote, a Bible verse, a question, a request for prayer, or anything they want.

I have a calendar that lists daily 10 things to be happy about. Monday I chose a few of those to share on Facebook. A few I chose were potluck dinners, explosive laughter, and howling at the moon! I got responses from others who shared things that made them smile. A few were holding hands, planting a garden, spending time with family, and bubbles. Are you smiling yet?

Last night we had our weekly youth group with Aaron, Joanna, Martita, Angie, and Diana. We asked them to share something that made them smile yesterday. Diana said her new puppy (Did you know that she has a new puppy?). Aaron, Joanna, and I were all smiles when Mark and Victor brought home beds for us (We have been sleeping on mattresses on the floor since mid-March when my family came to visit, sharing our beds with the occasional cricket and spider!). Mark said he smiled when he saw our smiles. Martita smiled because she bought a gift for someone special, and Angie (and Martita and Diana) all laughed hysterically when Julie fell on the floor at lunch when her chair broke (I have refused to sit in that chair ever since we got here!)! Julie laughed too, so all is well. It's okay to laugh with someone!

So what made you smile today? There are a hundred plus things here at Refuge Ranch that would make you smile....
When it's Danny's turn to pray and he shouts "Amen!" at the end, or when he yells,"Mark!" when he wants to play
When Caleb gets his schoolwork done after wiggling all over his chair
When Ana asks one more time if we are going to have a pinata today, or serenades us at the dinner table
When Josiah works on his "house" and shows you his handywork that he is so proud of
When Joanna has a successful art lesson (They all finished their weavings yesterday!)
When Aaron changes Danny's diaper or works out with Josiah or teases the girls
When Rosa is busy cooking a huge meal for all of us and tries to get us to drink none (pronounced nonae) juice because it is good for us (It smells horrible and maybe tastes the same!)
When Magda is sorting through a hundred mismatched socks or sneaking me a piece of chocolate
When Joce successfully completes her cursive writing assignment with no help
When Martha gets 100% on a test
When Angie forgives her sister for washing her pretty white skirt with a blue dress
When Cirino brings me a kitten to hold
When Lolis smiles at me even though she has no idea what I just said
When Fidel teases Mark, saying "Feliz Navidad" or "Feliz Complianos" in the morning
When Ruth runs to the school for our class even though it doesn't start for another hour
When Martita jokes around with Aaron like a big brother
When Diana helps us by interpreting, or finds one more creature that needs her care
When Bernabe uses his English that he is learning in school or tries writing his name
When Julie plays the piano just for fun
When Victor shares a crusade story
When Erika shares a prayer concern for me or thanks me for being her teacher
When Berenice lifts her arms up to me to be held
When Mark uses 25 spoons he pulled from the trash to make a point in chapel, or when he holds me at night, and says, "Can you believe God called us to this? Can you believe we're really here doing his work in Mexico?"

All of these things make me smile. That is a pretty big list God has blessed me with. What is on your list? Believe me, once you start making one, you don't want to stop. So don't! Keep praising the One who blesses us beyond all we could ask or imagine!

Here are some pictures of things that make me smile...












"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen!" Ephesians 3:20-21

Monday, May 3, 2010

A Very Special Time by: Julie

Last week Diana and I enjoyed an entire four days together -just the two of us! Not just any four days, either, but four days on the beach in Cancun! This being a mother thing isn't so tough after all!


Here in Mexico, a girl's 15th birthday is a huge celebration, much like a wedding, with a beautiful dress, a catered meal in a rented hall, etc. For our girls, we have given them the option of choosing the big party or a trip with Mom (me!) to Cancun! Angie and I traveled to Cancun a little over a year ago to celebrate her 15th birthday and now it was Diana's turn! (She actually turned 15 last December, but now is when we had enough money saved up and the time for me to leave for a few days.)

It was Diana's first time on an airplane! She has expressed an interest and possible call to mission work in Africa, so we commented that this was her first time on a plane, but certainly won't be her last!

Diana prefers to stay at home and not be out and about all the time, so we decided to stay at an all-inclusive resort so that we could stay in one place. But, we certainly weren't prepared for the luxury we were about to encounter! It was a new experience for Diana to have people serving her everywhere - waiters at meals, maids cleaning the room and a bellhop carrying her luggage.

We commented how it is incredible to be able to experience life in different situations and settings. Last week Diana and I were at a 5 star hotel and next week we will be on a medical mission crusade with Victor to Guadalajara, where, many times, we sleep on the floor and Rosa cooks over a fire. While Diana certainly enjoyed the 5 star experience, she would prefer a medical crusade. (Part of the confirmation of her call to missions?)

According to Diana, when we got back home, Mark asked Diana what her favorite part of the trip had been and she answered: "Mom!" Aaron responded: "You went all the way to Cancun and your favorite part of the trip was your mom?"

Diana's answer captured the essence and purpose of doing these trips - spending time together, just the two of us! (Her answer was also music to my ears!) I missed out on the first nine years of Diana's life and, while we have been making up for lost time these past six years, it can be challenging to be one of 12 children! It is quite common that one of the older girls is talking to me, when something more urgent will occur with one of the younger children. As I turn my attention to the more urgent situation, the older child walks away or forgets what he/she was sharing about. So, having an entire four days just the two of us was very special! Investing in these trips with the girls is a true investment in our mother/daughter relationship and in their identity as a part of our family!

We spent lots of time in the pool, trying to watch the entire Anne of Green Gables series (we didn't quite get done!) and eating together! It was great to be able to spend time with Diana as good friends! I do not deserve the blessing of our time in Cancun, but I did receive it as a gift from God and as a small harvest of all that we have invested in Diana's life over the last six years!

Thank you for making Diana's transformation possible through your prayers and support of Fishers of Men!

Martita is next! Who's complaining? :-)