She Thanks Jesus for Her "Abuelita" (Grandma)

I sat down last night and quickly typed out this little piece in between putting the kids to bed. It was about 9:30 p.m. and, as always, I was running a bit late. (Wednesday is bath night and we always get to bed later.) As I was putting Carolina to bed, the following thoughts were filling my head. After writing them down, before their beauty and essence were lost forever, I decided to share them with you.

“She Thanks Jesus for Abuelita”

As I stroke her beautiful, thick, short black hair and push it back from her forehead, I pray over her out loud and bless her little life. Then, I ask her to pray. She always hesitates, not quite knowing what to say. Then I encourage her to just thank God for something. She quietly responds: “For my Grandma (Abuelita).” She continues: “Gracias Dios por este dia y por mi abuelita. En el nombre de Jesus, Amen.” ("Thank you, God, for this day and for my Abuelita (Grandma). In Jesus' name, Amen.") She closes our days' worth of conversations with one word: “Sapo.” That is my reminder to make sure and sing the kids' song by the same title, after finishing “Jesus Loves Me” in both English and Spanish. As if I needed to be reminded – I know what she likes and the nightly routine is always the same.

It feels so strange:

· I am the one to clean up her cuts and scrapes...but she thanks Jesus for her abuelita.

· I am the one to serve her plate and cut her meat...but she thanks Jesus for her abuelita

· I am the one to stroke her face at night and sing a lullaby...but she thanks Jesus for her abuelita

· I am the one who has promised to be here forever...but she thanks Jesus for her abuelita

· I am the one who says “Good morning” and “Good night”...but she thanks Jesus for her abuelita

· I am the one whose heart has been stolen by her sad eyes yearning to dance...but she thanks Jesus for her abuelita

· I am the one to bathe her, put away her laundry and teach her how to read...but she thanks Jesus for her abuelita

· She may not be a daughter from my womb, but she is a daughter born from the depths of my heart...but she thanks Jesus for her abuelita

· I thank Jesus for her abuelita too, because Jesus helped her abuelita to love her enough to give her to me, so that I can clean up her cuts and scrapes, serve her plate and cut her meat, stroke her face and sing a lullaby, promise to be here forever, say “Good morning” and “Good night”, feel my heart be stolen away, bathe her, put away her laundry and teach her how to read.

This is love!

Maybe someday she will thank Jesus for me, but for now I thank Him for her...and her abuelita!

Carolina, age 5 (in the pink shirt, front row, right) and her biological siblings with their Abuelita on their second visit to the ranch this past February.

Me comforting a crying Carolina right after her Abuelita had left on the day that she and her siblings joined our family - February 11, 2011.

Carolina and I on our family vacation at the end of February - just two weeks after she and her siblings joined our family.

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Now, before anybody feels tempted to remind me of same basic truths..for example, that Carolina's abuelita raised her for the first five years of her life and that I have only had her for about 3 months... that "these things take time"...that she will eventually say thank you (probably when she is 35 and has her own kids:-)...etc. My head knows all of that and I know that it is true...but ....

what I wanted to capture, and share with you, is our/my unique situation of raising children who are 1) adopted, 2) not actually even adopted, as we just have legal guardianship of them. While Victor and I see them as our children; while they see each other as siblings; while they see us as their parents - on those particularly difficult days when Satan likes to whisper in their ear: "These people really aren't your family...they are going to leave you...they really don't love you.", not having the same last name doesn't help out! 3) most have been "adopted" at an older age, leaving years of neglect, abuse and abandonment to deal with 4) many still have contact with biological family members - a blessing and a curse all at the same time that basically results in a real interesting caldron of boiling feelings 5) adolescence is fully upon us for about one third of our kids.

This results in a few of the kids, when I try and give them a hug, say "good morning" or "good night", they will literally turn their backs on me. They will not respond at all, even though I am right in front of them, as if I were invisible or didn't even exist! Wow...that is tough! It is an incredible opportunity to share unconditional love, the real love of Jesus Christ, because at times it is not that they are indifferent, they are openly rejecting our love. This normally does not last for more than a few days, then that particular child will realize that this attitude really isn't helping anything and will once again open up, be willing to receive affection and will even, every once in awhile, go out on a limb to give affection.

It is such a challenge to love people who act like they don't want to be loved, but who are so desperate for love! I love the challenge and have experienced the love of Christ in my own life in such real ways because of it!

Thank you for your prayers for us and for the ministry that keep us filled with the love of Jesus Christ so that we can continue to pour it out on the precious lives with which He has entrusted us!